And so will I.So as a rule, I try not to give anyone unsolicited advice unless they ask
for it. I’ll go into this more later. I guess I have been officially solicited in this
situation, to impart whatever wisdom I might have and tell you the things that helped me
in my life so far. Please bear in mind that I, in no way, feel qualified to tell you what
to do. You’ve worked and struggled and sacrificed and studied and dreamed your
way here today and so, you know what you’re doing. You’ll do things differently
than I did them and for different reasons. So I won’t tell you what to do because no one
likes that. I will, however, give you some life hacks I wish I knew when I was starting
out my dreams of a career, and navigating life, love, pressure, choices, shame,
hope and friendship. It’s totally up to you. The first of which is…life can be heavy,
especially if you try to carry it all at once. Part of growing up and moving into new
chapters of your life is about catch and release. What I mean by that is,
knowing what things to keep, and what things to release.
You can’t carry all things, all grudges, all updates on your ex, all enviable promotions
your school bully got at the hedge fund his uncle started.
Decide what is yours to hold and let the rest go.
Oftentimes the good things in your life are lighter anyway, so there’s more room for them.
One toxic relationship can outweigh so many wonderful, simple joys.
You get to pick what your life has time and room for. Be discerning.
Secondly, learn to live alongside cringe.
No matter how hard you try to avoid being cringe, you will
look back on your life and cringe retrospectively.
Cringe is unavoidable over a lifetime.
Even the term 'cringe’ might someday be deemed 'cringe.’I promise you, you’re probably
doing or wearing something right now that you will look back on later and find revolting
and hilarious. You can’t avoid it, so don’t try to. For example, I had a phase where, for
the entirety of 2012, I dressed like a 1950s housewife. But you know what? I was having
fun. Trends and phases are fun. Looking back and laughing is fun.
And while we’re talking about things that make us squirm but really shouldn’t,
I’d like to say that I’m a big advocate for not hiding your enthusiasm for things.
It seems to me that there is a false stigma around eagerness in our culture
of 'unbothered ambivalence.’ This outlook perpetuates the idea that it’s not cool
to 'want it.’ That people who don’t try hard are fundamentally more
chic than people who do. And I wouldn’t know because I have been a lot of things but I’ve
never been an expert on 'chic.’ But I’m the one who’s up here so you have to listen to me
when I say this: Never be ashamed of trying.
Effortlessness is a myth. The people who wanted it the least were the ones I wanted to
date and be friends with in high school. The people who want it most are the people
I now hire to work for my company. I started writing songs when I was twelve
and since then, it’s been the compass guiding my life, and in turn, my life
guided my writing. Everything I do is just an extension of my writing,
whether it’s directing videos or a short film, creating the visuals for a tour,
or standing on stage performing. Everything is connected by my love
of the craft, the thrill of working through ideas and narrowing them down and polishing
it all up in the end. Editing. Waking up in the middle of the night and throwing out the
old idea because you just thought of a newer, better one. A plot device that ties the
whole thing together. There’s a reason they call it a hook. Sometimes a string of words
just ensnares me and I can’t focus on anything until it’s been recorded or written down.
As a song writer I’ve never been able to sit still, or stay in one creative place for too
long. I’ve made and released 11 albums and in the process, I’ve switched genres
from country to pop to alternative to folk. This might sound like a very
songwriter-centric line of discussion but in a way, I really do think we are all writers.
And most of us write in a different voice for different situations.
You write differently in your Instagram stories than you do
your senior thesis. You send a different type of email to your boss than you do your best
friend from home. We are all literary chameleons and I think it’s fascinating. It’s just
a continuation of the idea that we are so many things, all the time. And I know it can be
really overwhelming figuring out who to be, and when. Who you are now and how to act in
order to get where you want to go. I have some good news: it’s totally up to you.
I also have some terrifying news: it’s totally up to you.I said to you earlier that
I don’t ever offer advice unless someone asks me for it, and now I’ll tell you why.