The atmosphere in the Mess Hall, temporarily converted into a stage inside Rose Wall, stil
l held the cloying sweetness of caramelized starch left by Sasha's "Annual Sweet Potato Gl
utton Championship" held that afternoon, alongside a trace of imperceptible exhaustion. Th
e greasy floor bore witness to the earlier "battle."Hange Zoe, satisfaction gleaming in he
r eyes behind her lenses like a mad scientist, tightened a flashing red device at the stag
e edge. Levi stood in the shadows at stage left, arms crossed, brow furrowed deeply, his e
yes raking over Sasha Blouse like knives as she struggled to clean up food debris—Sasha ha
d just defeated the silent but monstrously capable eater Mikasa Ackerman over several moun
tains of roasted sweet potatoes. The price was a "Loser's Entertainment Responsibility Con
tract," instigated by Eren under the banner of "fairness" and thumb-printed."Pay up, Mikas
a!" Eren Yeager yelled from the first row of the audience, a mischievous grin plastered on
his face. Armin beside him wrung his hands, muttering, "...Isn't this a bit too much?" Er
en grinned wider: "Relax, Sasha and Section Commander Hange know their limits." But as his
gaze swept over that rigid profile on stage, a flicker of concern crossed his eyes.The vi
ctim, Mikasa Ackerman, was experiencing a silent collapse. Invoking "stage effects," Hange
had personally fitted her with a special wig—ordinary black hair concealing micro-sensors
and voice-controlled particle generators. To force this warrior whose life was steel to s
ing a popular song called *Bones* in front of the Scouts' high command and their peers (in
cluding Levi, Hange, Eren, Jean, Conny, Historia, Marlo, Nanaba)? Absurd!"Alright! Quiet,
everyone!" Sasha bounced onto the stage, cheeks bulging with sweet potato, brandishing a m
icrophone disguised as an oversized potato. "Next up! The brave and skilled warrior who fe
ll slightly short in digestive endurance—Mikasa Ackerman! Performing—*Bones*!!"Sparse but
voyeuristic applause rippled through, punctuated by Jean's snicker and Conny's snort. Hang
e feverishly pressed buttons on the console: "Background music! Mood lighting! Lyric promp
ter—ready!" The true "performance" tools were hidden beneath cheap lights, the stage floor
, and within the wig's microchip.Trippy synth beats blasted out. Colored spotlights whirle
d chaotically. Mikasa, stiff as a sacrificial lamb driven to the altar, stood center-stage
, forced to grip the sweet potato microphone smeared with Sasha's fingerprints. Lyrics scr
olled across the light screen before her.% Gimme, gimme, gimme some time to think…Mikasa o
pened her mouth, but her voice distorted, lyrics hijacked: "Gimme, gimme, gimme my hair ba
ck in clink! (Set it free!)""Pfft—!" Jean pointed at her. "Her hair?!" Mikasa instinctivel
y reached to touch her head. The wig abruptly constricted and deformed, exposing several p
atches of exaggeratedly comical "shiny scalp," one startlingly resembling a bald spot."Wow
!" Hange growled in excitement. "Perfect effect!" Fingers tapped the keyboard, embedding t
he next keyword.% I'm in the bathroom looking at me…% Face in the mirror is all I need (oo
h)Mikasa steeled herself and continued, but her voice warped again:"I'm in the stall count
ing one, two, three… (Embarrassed isolation)How many eggs I burned? Oh, look! Just me! (Se
lf-deprecating failure)(ooh, breakfast-wrecking queen! Ooh!)" (Exaggerated flair)Roaring l
aughter engulfed the hall. Conny slapped the table guffawing: "Mi.. Mikasa fries eggs?!" E
ren's smile froze. Mikasa flushed crimson—the ridiculous accusation touched upon the *edge
* of that time she'd botched eggs *Eren* had wanted!% My patience is waning, is this enter
taining?…% Our patience is waning, is this entertaining?…These lines, amplified in fury an
d distortion, eerily mirrored her simmering rage. Sasha nibbled a small potato, murmuring:
"Getting into it... committed..." Hange, staring at spiking data, shrieked: "Activate Sta
ge Two! Prop Persecution!" Slamming down a button.% I got this feeling, yeah, you know% Wh
ere I'm losing all control% 'Cause there's magic in my bonesAs she reached the chorus clim
ax, the lyric screen suddenly flashed crimson:"I got this itch, yeah, down below… (Intimat
e discomfort)Where I'm leaking fluids, oh no! OH NO! (Humiliating implication)'Cause there
's static in my..."Before "Static" escaped her lips, the wig struck again! With an electri
c *crackle*, a faint blue arc zapped out, spewing mint-sweet-potato-scented smoke at the f
ront row!"Whoa!" Marlo yelped, jumping back. Nanaba noted "Unidentified smoke?" gravely in
her book. Petra patted her temple: "Something's stuck!" A sparkly sequin clung to her hai
r."Gah!" Mikasa jolted from the shock. Uncontrolled shame and fury detonated! Stage lights
instantly focused on her lower torso! The floor beneath her lurched violently, spinning!"
Whoa-oh-oh—!" Mikasa stumbled, panicked, her feet finding unnaturally slick footing—a conc
ealed grease trap! With a skid, she spun like a drunken top! The chaotic twirl, crowned by
the "leak alarm" smoking wig and scrolling suggestive lyrics, created utter pandemonium.E
ren's smile vanished, brow furrowed. Armin broke into a cold sweat. Jean wheezed with laug
hter. Conny collapsed laughing. Sasha stopped chewing in shock.% Playin' with a stick of d
ynamite…% There was never gray in black and white…% There was never wrong 'til there was r
ight (ooh)The lyrics roared out mid-spin twisted again:"Dancing like a drunk mole in the n
ight! (Clumsy, chaotic)My brain is scrambled, all dark, no light! (Utter confusion)My move
s are wrong! WHO SET THIS RIGHT?! (Frustrated fury)"Mikasa flailed, trying to stop on the
slippery surface (nearly wrenching her back). Humiliation and the sting of being played fi
nally crushed her. She snapped her head up, locking lethal eyes on Hange behind the consol
e!"HAHN—GE—!" The roar tore through the music. Warrior instinct detonated! She launched he
rself forward despite the slide, a human arrow aimed at ramming Hange's head into her own
machine!"Whoa! Resistance!" Hange screamed in exhilaration. "Activate Countermeasure G-7!"
A panel in the stage floor slid open. A cleaning drone tumbled out like a drunkard, caree
ning towards Mikasa's landing spot!Mikasa twisted violently mid-leap to evade. *THUD!* She
collided sideways with the drone! It flipped away, sending Mikasa completely off-balance.
She pitched forward headlong. *RIIIIP-!*An earsplitting tear of fabric silenced everythin
g.Time froze. Mikasa sprawled in an awkward position. Her training trousers were ripped wi
de open from knee to upper thigh on the back. Through the jagged tear peeked a patch of im
possibly vivid, glittering yellow fabric—SpongeBob SquarePants' gaping, foolish grin stari
ng out from right behind her hip. The tear distorted it, making the expression look even m
ore mocking and idiotic."............"Deafening silence. Everyone turned to stone.Hange's
finger hovered over a red button, eyes fixed on the yellow sponge. "...The 3DMG manual sai
d linings should be dark cotton... Is this what it meant? Or... Ackerman aesthetics..."Ere
n covered his eyes, fingers wide apart. Armin froze. Jean's eyes bulged. Conny forgot to s
tand. Historia shielded Christa's eyes. Marlo blushed furiously, looking down. Nanaba rapi
dly sketched a yellow square with a giant question mark. Petra averted her gaze. Even Levi
's icy mask showed a suppressed tic."GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAH—!!"An inhuman shriek of utter breakd
own shattered the silence! Mikasa scrambled to rise and cover the catastrophic yellow. Her
roar, however, became the final trigger for Hange's preset "pyrotechnics"!"Acoustic overl
oad!" Hange screeched. "Trigger Final Cleanse! Initiate!" Her finger stabbed the red butto
n!*WHOOSH-HUMMMM!*Countless hidden ceiling sprinklers activated! What gushed down wasn't w
ater, but a thick, sickly sweet torrent of syrupy fluid mixed with the cloying scent of ma
shed sweet potatoes. A golden waterfall instantly engulfed Mikasa!*SPLAT!*She was swept of
f her feet. Golden "amber" encased her, hardening rapidly around her blurred silhouette. O
nly a wig edge twitched a few times then stilled. The "Mark of SpongeBob" was perfectly pr
eserved and sealed on the most visible spot: right on her backside.The oblivious music pla
yed on:% Look in the mirror of my mind… (There goes my mind, I don’t mind…)Sprinklers drip
ped syrup. Sasha's sweet potato fell, her mouth agape. Hange hunched her shoulders guiltil
y."...Hey," Levi's icy voice cut through the void. His boots squelched through syrup as he
approached the golden husk. He swept his gaze over the audience, finally landing on Hange
and Sasha. "You two... idiots." He rapped the hardened amber. "Who gets her out?" His sha
rp eyes pinned Hange. "And explain the sweet potato pulp in this 'cleansing fluid'..."Hang
e: "Er... 'Sweet Potato Inferno Theme' integrity... Neural responses under extreme sweetne
ss...""Shut it, you lunatic." Levi cut her off. His gaze flicked over the solidified Spong
eBob imprint. The last shreds of composure seemed to fray. "...This yellow square? Some ne
w Abberant Disguise?"No one could answer. Only sharp intakes of breath and coughs from cho
ked-back laughter remained.The "Sweet Potato Fiasco" spread through the Corps faster than
any Scouting Legion mission report.First, Hange's "Scientific Report" appendix image—depic
ting a blurry golden silhouette projection with a pixellated yellow square on its rear, la
beled "Observation Subject SG-01 (Alias: Land-Based SpongeBob) Stress-Induced Traumatic Fi
xation Phase Archive (Confidential: A-) "—was "accidentally" retrieved and spread by Mike
Zacharias' dog.Then came Sasha's hyperbolic retellings in the mess hall (each more outrage
ous than the last):"Mikasa the Warrior Goddess! One shout of 'I'm leaking!' and that wig z
aps with green smoke! She spun like a toadstool-tripping top! With an 'Awoooo!' she lunges
! *RIIP!* Her pants explode! That yellow grinning idiot thing knocked my potato flying! *S
ploooosh!* Whole girl frozen in sweet potato syrup! Head sticking out! The wig piece even
did a 'peace sign'! I swear! Iron-blooded warrior to Frosted Sponge Warrior!"The initial l
aughs about "Breakfast-Wrecking Queen," "Leak Alert," or "Drunken Mole" faded. The rumors
cruelly zeroed in on two points: the sentient "Doom Wig" (spawning countless terrifying po
ssession tales) and the ultimate symbol of social death—the "Mark of SpongeBob.""Hey, new
guy," Jean would say seriously on the training ground, pointing at Mikasa practicing alone
(her aura colder than ever) cutting straw dummies. "Don't mess with Ms. Ackerman. Not 'ca
use she's a goddess. 'Cause the Abyssal Sponge Demon beyond the Walls is sealed in her hol
e! Its smile alone sends Hange running and makes Captain Levi tremble for days!"Nanaba's s
erious notebook entry, seen by Petra, spawned a mythical version: a yellow square drawn pr
ominently near a circle representing Titans, labeled "New Mini-Abberant? Code Name: 'Spiri
t of the Yellow Bastion'? Manifested during SG-01's posterior defense lapse. Visual aggres
sion: Extreme? Requires observation of assimilation capability…"Eren's reaction was the mo
st obvious. For a week after the incident, he dared not approach Mikasa within 3 meters. M
eetings in hallways meant him plastering himself against the wall, head down, face a map o
f awkwardness, bemusement, pity, and lingering traces of the incident.Mikasa herself remai
ned seemingly encased in "amber," radiating frost. On missions, protecting Eren, her face
showed nothing extra. Her eyes, colder than steel blades, froze the air. The mess hall bec
ame forbidden territory; the distant scent of sweet potatoes would instantly whiten her kn
uckles around her fist.The final detonator was the accidental leak of a backup file by Tec
h Support: a rough video clip spread among new recruits (later titled *The Rumbling? First
Witness Mikasa Ackerman, Sealed in Sweet Potato Syrup!*). Shaky footage captured the chao
s, with Sasha's voiceover:"The Warrior Goddess's leaky love song! Watch her hair... hai...
r... sparking? Zzzt... Zzzt... Wow! Spinning! Look at those moves!... Yeowch! This tackle
! *RRIIPP—!* (Sound effect of tearing cloth)... Holy Neptune! Has SpongeBob gained sentien
ce?! (Camera frantically zooming in on blinding yellow)... *Splash—!* (Syrup deluge)... Hu
h? Where'd she go?... (Extreme close-up on syrup-covered SpongeBob)... Cough... Signal int
erference... Camera shake…"Like ignited fire in the Underground streets. Every screen corn
er hid a soldier stifling laughter or shrugging.Time passed, bringing apparent calm.One da
y, Mikasa passed the training grounds returning from patrol. Two new recruits botched thei
r 3DMG landings. *SHHHRRRRIIIP!* Two blinding yellow gashes tore open the seat of their da
rk green training pants. Two grinning SpongeBobs shimmered in the sunlight, locked in a gr
otesque silent contest of smiles.The watching recruits paused. Then an uncontrollable, ech
oing roar of laughter erupted! The two soldiers turned crimson, scrambling frantically to
cover up, only making it more obvious.Mikasa, in the distance, halted. She did not turn. T
he entire training field plunged into an icy vacuum. Sunlight glinted coldly off her jet-b
lack hair. The faint, sharp *crack* of her knuckles tightening on her sword handle pierced
the raucous noise.The smiles on the nearest perceptive recruits froze instantly. Instinct
ive, primal fear shot straight to their scalps, strangling the next wave of laughter in th
eir throats. Only the soldiers' whimpers and the dull thud of dropped grappling hooks rema
ined in the sudden silence.Mikasa resumed walking, disappearing around the corner towards
HQ. No one dared see her expression.Behind her, only those glaring yellow "curses," along
with the mocking SpongeBob imprints, shone brightly—absurd seals of an absurd era. Perhaps
one day, when the "Rumbling" choked the skies with dust and the thunder of falling Titans
shook the earth, these stupid blotches of yellow, alongside the ultimate humiliation endu
red by the warrior girl forced to sing of leaky alarms in a sweet potato hell, would be sw
ept away by the floodwaters of the world.But that day was most certainly not today.